we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize