i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
