Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
