Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
