i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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