He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
