what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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