arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
