i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
