I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
