is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
