My room smells like vodka and shame
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize