If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
