I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
