Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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