i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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