it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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