If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize