I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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