I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
