FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize