just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
