there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
