Someone shit on the floor
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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