Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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