im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize