you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he puts the penis in happiness.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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