And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
