Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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