When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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