you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
