if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Your dad touched me again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize