I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
