Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
