Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
