Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
