I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
