Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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