okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
