dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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