The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
