your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
