We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
