so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
