I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
