Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize