At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
being pregnant is like rehab
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
