Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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