DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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