Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize