Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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