69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
