On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
