Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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