fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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