last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
