Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
