I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
