I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
