I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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