i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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