i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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