you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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