Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
