We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
