As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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