This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
