i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
