Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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