First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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