Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
