see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
