i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
