You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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