there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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