I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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