This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
