need another drink. this is the easiest way
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
