I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
