apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
