some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
