I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
