My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
