It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
