Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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