So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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