Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
