dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
