I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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