I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
