You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
