Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm like, not good at living.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
