I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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