you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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