I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
