We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why do cheetos always look like penises
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
