I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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