Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
