You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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