Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
