Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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