i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
