He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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