we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
