I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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