Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
