he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
