She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
