i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize