I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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