turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
